A Birth Day to Remember

Dearest Alexander,
Tomorrow is your 2nd birthday. It feels like a complete lifetime since the day you were born.

Although we had a scare with preterm labor days earlier, we thought we were in the clear. I couldn't shake the feeling that we shouldn't be leaving Iowa City when they sent us home, but I wanted to stay positive. During that stay at UIHC they gave us the odds (they were not good), but shared that their numbers were better than most. I clung to that on the way back to Iowa City the night you were born.

Your Dad remembers speeding down I-80, but I remember calm, even joking around a bit in between contractions. We weren't sure what would happen once we got there but I think we wanted to push it out of our minds for the 50 minute drive.

I was waiting alone in the emergency room for a wheelchair up to labor and delivery (while your Dad was parking the car), and I just knew you would be coming soon. For me, the rest of the evening was fast. We slept little and by 3:30am (just a few hours after we arrived there) they announced they would be taking you by c-section. I was bleeding heavily and they prepped me for surgery.

I remember laying on the surgical table in a ball trying to get through one of the contractions and I felt something burst below. Someone yelled, "She's hemorrhaging. Get Dad in here now. We have to go." Even with these words, I saw your Dad and stayed calm.

When they got you out of my body, you stayed silent. In order to see you, I had to peer through a huddle of nurses working to intubate you and connect you to tubes and wires that would keep you alive the next couple of months. I teared up but did not cry. I was scared but wanted to be brave for you.

They wheeled you away to the NICU, where you would live your first 158 days. Still I did not cry. Maybe I was in shock, but I told myself that I needed to stay calm for you. I wanted you to feel and know that your birth day was a happy day. It was the day that you came into our lives. It was the day that changed everything...for the better. It was the day that I will never forget.

Because of you our lives are complete different. Completely better. It's been a wild two years - an experience that we fight to prevent in others' lives. I've often wondered why this happened to us, but I don't think I would change it now. You've made me better, braver and more grateful than I've ever been.

I cry now, not because I'm sad, but because I've seen a miracle with my own eyes. I've been able to personally witness how much you've overcome and it makes me filled with joy. I'm so thankful to the University of Iowa and the countless number of nurses and doctors that cared for you and cared for us.

You make us laugh with your infectious giggle. We are tickled with delight when you run - very fast I might add. We love watching you interact with your brother, even with you are body slamming each other. We love your cuddles and they way you back into us to sit on our laps to look at books. We enjoy your chatter, even when we can't understand you most of the time. We love your passion for blocks, cooking and helping around the house.

Thank you for being you, Alexander the Great. Happy Birthday!

March for Babies

After months of planning and fundraising, the day was finally here.

Only, it wasn't what I had planned.

It was the coldest day in April...and raining.

Still, the 2015 March for Babies will always be one to be remembered. This year over $150,000 was raised - a record year! Pete and I were personally able to raise over $25,000 through the support of our family, friends and community.

We were able to educate on the need for more research through sharing Alexander's story on several media outlets. Here was us on Paula Sands Live: http://kwqc.com/2015/04/10/quad-cities-march-for-babies/ and on WQAD: http://wqad.com/tag/alex-stopulos/. These stories meant the world to us and our media friends shared the information with such care. 

Despite the rain, wind and cold, so many friends and co-workers came out to walk - with umbrellas and parkas! My sister was able to walk with me. Even Alexander was able to be there for the presentation (my parents took the kids back to our house due to the weather). 

Alexander was reunited with his bestie from the NICU, Frances. The Mills family joined us for the walk and then came to our house for lunch and afternoon play. It was so much fun seeing those two play side by side, without tubes or monitors. 

The night before the walk, I was emotional. I cried to Pete that this was not what I had envisioned for the year that we chaired the walk. But it ended up being so much more than I could have ever imagined. It was one of THE best days doing something greater for a cause that means so much to us.

Dear Andrew & Alexander,

On this Mother's Day, I want to thank you for some very important lessons you've taught me over the past three years.

1) Patience, patience and more patience. 

You both know how to push my buttons - Andrew by shouting and singing heavy metal at the dinner table and Alexander by throwing his milk over and over at every meal. I mean, how many times can Alexander climb the stairs or can Andrew say, "why... but why?" At least Andrew, you will call me out by saying "Mom, just stop freaking out."

2) A clean, organized house isn't always the best.

Grandma Nana always has kept a VERY clean house. I often get embarrassed when we have company because our house is less than tidy most of the time. I think right now there are toys in every room of our house - even though they are supposed to stay in the toy room! You've taught me that cleaning can take precious time away you. And while I still prefer things to be picked up, I don't waste time worrying about what our house could look like. There will be plenty of time for you to help someday Alexander, since your brother already is a BIG helper!

3) Worrying is fruitless.

This is one lesson I still struggle with, but my experiences with you both help me remember not to worry over the things I can't control. This helps me enjoy our time together in the then and now, instead of worrying what could happen or what's going to happen. How can I worry with your smiles!

4) Words are very meaningful, but so are actions.

Andrew, you've never had any issue expressing yourself. Everyday I'm impressed with your vocabulary and catch phrases. Even today you told me, "nice save Mom," as I prevented Alex from throwing his shoes in the toilet. Alexander, you are a miniature man of very few words right now, but there is nothing better than when you reach up to me to ask for a hug and a cuddle. Someday you will talk just as much as your brother, but you have taught me that showing your love is just as great as telling. 

5) I coudn't love you more. 

I felt the deepest love I have ever known when each of you was born. And that love grows every single day. Not only for you two, but especially for your father. I never knew I could love someone so much as I do him. When he giggles over something you do, or talks about how cute you are, or smothers you in hugs and kisses - each day he expresses his love for you both. Through his expression, my love for him multiplies. You have brought out this great love in us.

6) The happiest moments are unplanned.

Once I became a mother, I learned there were so many things that we couldn't plan - especially with your early arrival Alexander. We had to take each day, even each moment, one at a time and cherish it. This has made me relish the small moments we get to spend together. You've taught me there is nothing better than nosy kisses, craziness at dinner, donut Saturdays, shooting hoops, splashing at bath time, telling stories before bed, forts, long walks in the double stroller, tickling, singing songs... the list goes on and on!

You are the best boys for me and I couldn't love you more! 

Love,

Your Mom

Easter and April 5

Easter has been a very special day for our family for quite some time. 

It was the day I was baptized and confirmed into the Catholic Church. It was the day Andrew came home after spending three days in the NICU. It was also the day that we learned that Alexander would be coming home soon. This year was just as big - the first Easter we were able to spend together as a family.

It was very low key, as the entire Stopulos family and grandparents were down in Kansas City, celebrating my brother in law Steven and his confirmation into the Catholic Church. Pete made an amazing brunch and Jaclyn joined us for food and fun on the patio. Watching the boys play together is such a joy!

Easter this year happened to fall on April 5 - the anniversary of Pete and I being introduced in Iowa City 13 years ago. It seems like only yesterday that we started dating but we've come so far together. It's crazy to think about how much we've been through. I love him more and more each day!

So this Easter we celebrate so much - family, love and Jesus. 

Birthday Extravaganza & Surprises

Growing up birthdays were always a big deal. Extended family and close family friends would gather at our house for a meal, presents and cake. And every other year there would be a "kid" party, where we did an activity and could invite our friends. Each year it was spectacular. 

It's a tradition I hope to continue with our family and we got the chance of a birthday extravaganza with Andrew's 3rd birthday.

I have to admit, I was a bit bummed as the doctors cautioned us from having a "kid" party or one with a lot of people. We decided it was definitely worth it to keep Alexander safe. And despite not having any other guests his age, I think it was just as fun. 

We started out the celebration with being the lucky guests at the Kardel farm - along with all of Andrew's grandparents, uncle Tim, and his nanny, Jaclyn. Andrew got to ride 2 different tractors and a mower, followed by seeing live turkeys! He couldn't have been more thrilled!! Then we headed back to our house for lunch, Dairy Queen ice cream cake and presents.

My parents stayed the night and we laid low and played hard. Sunday night we took Andrew to his first concert (that wasn't his uncle TIm). It was a band, Anderson East, that Andrew heard often with his nanny and he had a blast.

Then the actual birthday, he awoke to a present and a special breakfast. Then a special lunch at Chick-fil-a and a visit to the park - yes, it was just like the day he was born, warm and windy. Then a special dinner and more ice cream cake. Quite the day!

I remember the day that my first baby was born well. It was calm, easy, and full of excitement and love. He now loves coffee ice cream, reading Berenstein Bear books and listening to stories about fixing construction vehicles.  He says things like "ahh shucks" and "it's okay, accidents happen" and even, "you don't have to freak out mom". He's an old soul stuck in my now three year old's body.

Andrew wrapped up his 3rd birthday by thanking us, not in the typical way, but in his own way - asking me to rock him and cuddle. My talkative, independent and crazy 3-year-old doesn't like to cuddle or even show very much affection, so this was a special surprise for me. It definitely took me back three years ago when we would rock him, cuddle him and he would fall asleep in our arms. 

The Truth About Preemies

The story of a preemie does not end when they go home from the hospital. 

The truth is, the hospital stay can be a nightmare, but sometimes once your preemie gets home it can feel like a reoccuring bad dream. 

I recognize we were lucky to bring Alexander home. That he's here with us is a miracle in and of itself. We are fortunate he is off oxygen and that his only doctor appointments at this point are follow up high risk appointments. Of course he has breathing treatments twice a day and a couple therapy appointments each month but he's almost golden - now considered almost "average," (although not to us!). 

I know we are lucky and blessed, but this is a very lonely path.

Because of Alexander's weak lungs he can get sick very easily. Most babies with BPD (bronchopulmonary dysplasia, sometimes called chronic lung disease) can end up back in the hospital with respiratory failure after catching just a common cold. We have made the decision to obey our doctors orders and keep Alexander on isolation - pretty much putting our family on isolation as well. 

What this means is we have never gone to church as a family. We have never attended the weekly brunch at Village Inn as a family. We spent most of Christmas at home, alone. We don't have play dates. We don't go to restaurants. We don't see our friends with children. We don't have people over who have children or who have been sick. We can't run errands with Alexander - no grocery store, Walgreens or Sam's Club. Pretty much someone has to be at home with Alexander at all times - he can only leave the house for doctors appointments and Grandma/Grandpa's homes (when people are healthy).

I'm not sharing this for sympathy, or worse pity. I'm sharing to help educate. To help start a dialog of the effect of a premature birth on an entire family. How scary it is every day to wonder if your baby is going to get sick and end up back in the hospital. How lonely it is to not be able to go do the things you want to do and see the people you want to see with your family. How normally when you bring your baby home for the first time you want every one to come see him, but with a preemie you stand guard blocking people and germs with all the power you have. 

I've definitely shed many tears about the things we can't do. I've been upset, I've said, "it's not fair," and I've even been angry. I've come close to calling this a bout of depression. I feel very disconnected - even with working outside the home. I know my relationships have suffered. 

But I've decided it is time to be done. I want to be an advocate, instead of playing the victim card. This is the first step - to share my story. An insider perspective, if you will, on what it's like to be a mother of a micro-preemie.

June 1 is our day given by Alexander's doctors - the day that Alexander can be released from isolation. The day that Alexander can be treated "normal" and go into public like a "normal" one year old.

What we've done has worked. Alexander has stayed healthy (minus a runny nose and cough) through the winter - only two more months to go until flu season is complete...for this season. Unfortunately, this won't be the last time to be scared or nervous about illness. This June 1st date will be hard for me because it doesn't erase how we've spent the past six months and the sacrifices we've made. 

I guess I just stick with the theme... short-term pain for long-term gain. And know that it was worth it. 

Changes

It's been three months since my last post. Since then, we've had lots of changes.

We are very busy chasing, that's right, chasing Alexander around the house. He is a very speedy crawler and just started taking steps. He will also pull himself along furniture and windows. Now he will take two to three steps, sometimes even more. We have struggled with continued weight gain but hope his new high fat diet will help!

We have called in even more miracles and Alexander stayed healthy through the holidays. I caught what I think was the flu, which turned into sinus infection and bronchitis. It was tough because I had to wear a mask at all times when I was home and tried to avoid taking care of Alexander as much as I could. We also avoided a lot of sick family over the holidays. My parents were unable to come to our home due to illness and we had to stay home from most of the Christmas celebrations to keep our distance from those who were sick. It was hard but we were just thankful to be home. We continue to be in isolation until June 1. That will be the awesome day when we are able to take Alexander into public places and treat him like an average baby - despite us knowing that he will never be average! 

It's so much fun to see Andrew and Alexander play together. I never thought I would have to say, "We don't body slam our brother!" or "We don't head butt our brother." but these phrases seem to be common place at our home. And I'm saying it to both boys! They are going to be a feisty bunch!

Andrew is hilarious as always, with the funniest comments ever. He seems to be non-stop and while he often is pushing the envelope, he's a blast. Andrew and I recently traveled to my friend Susie's home near Chicago to visit. Her Lucas is 1 month younger than Andrew - despite the fact that they were due the same day! Lucas is soon to be a big brother as well! We had so much fun!

There have been some BIG changes with my career. Right before Christmas I decided it was time to finally pursue one of my dreams that would give me more time with my family - becoming a Realtor. I officially resigned from my position as Director of Marketing & Public Relations for Ruhl&Ruhl Realtors and finished on Friday. I've taken all of my classes and passed my test! Just waiting on my background check to come through and I'll be official! I start work with Pete tomorrow at Ruhl&Ruhl Realtors - just a day before Alexander's "one year" adjusted birthday. We are teaming up and will be able to help each other as we move forward into this exciting journey. I'm very excited and can't wait to get started!

And, still more... Pete and I are chairing the March of Dimes March for Babies in the Quad Cities. We are so happy to be giving back to an organization so close to our hearts. The walk is April 25 on the Rock Island Arsenal. To join us to walk or donate, please visit www.marchforbabies.org/alexstopulos. We would love to have you all there to help us support this great cause!

With all this change in our lives, I've renewed my commitment to keep this blog updated, so expect to check back often!